In Which Birthday Cake Dreams Come True

Little girls make the best clients, fact.

The bigger, the pinker, the sparkly-er, the cakey-er, the frosting-er, the better! Little girls don’t care how tacky, how gaudy or how obscenely covered in fondant layers shaped like flowers. They want cake. They love cake. We can respect that.

When faced with the challenge of building a cake for a six year old’s birthday, you can bet that we, your fair cakestresses, jumped all over it, and a little bit in it… as in, in the frosting… mmmm buttercream tinted pink.

We caked for days and nights and finally produced what we think to be our most fantabulous cake to date! After crafting its pink chocolate lollipops and rolling its colourful fondant balls the cake was finally ready to be presented to the client.




And what did her highness think?



Full success! High five!
Until next time cake children...

In Which Cake Makes The Best Of A Bad Situation

It’s fall, you can smell it.
The thing about fall, is that no matter how long it’s been since you last had to go to school, the fall prompts this uncontrollable urge to buy school supplies and causes you to have anxiety dreams about being late for class, naked.

For some, fall is a continuation of the monotonous life you lead all year round but colder and with better jackets. For others fall brings brand new grownup stresses, hence the following cake.

A dear friend of the blog is embarking on a journey into a land that we know nothing about, the land of “the law.” We assume there are standard motivational sayings to prepare humans for scary new jobs in shiny buildings downtown, but we prefer to speak the language of cake.

Rumour has it that lawyers need many important leather-bound volumes about law and other such important topics. So our gift to you is just that, a leather-bound volume containing everything you need to know about EVERYTHING.


Chapter One: There can be no crime without delicious intent.



Read it thoroughly, its contents will be invaluable to your success in your field.

Delicious success.

In Which Max Reveals A Secret

Dear Man Who Hosts Ultimate Cake Off:

I am oddly attracted to you. Is it your chiseled face? Your stern, yet kind demeanor? Or just your proximity to cake?

I suppose I’ll never know.

But perhaps the mystery is part of the appeal, my spatula-wielding king. You are the fondant to my buttercream. You are the poppy seeds to my lemon cake. I want you to dirty ice all my layers, and cream me at low speeds until frothy.

Until next Monday at 10 pm on TLC, lover.

Fatteningly yours,

Max

In Which Our Heroines Use Cake As Bribery (the First)

NOTE: We’ve subtitled this chapter as ‘the First’, because we believe the ‘Cake As Bribery’ technique will feature frequently in both this blog, and our lives. In fact, when we inevitably give everything else up to become professional cake-mistresses (Cake Girls? Cakeheads? Cake-y-Break-y Hearts? Cake Sluts?), the smallest available size of cake will be known as our ‘Bribery’ size.

We modern girls have to use every weapon we have at our disposal in this harsh, work-a-day world. Our brains. Our sexuality. Our baking skills. Mostly the latter. Especially when one’s sexuality is compromised by constantly eating cake. And one’s face is often smeared with cake. And one is only turned on by cake. So we bake to forget our troubles, and to celebrate our accomplishments. To kiss today goodbye, and to point towards tomorrow. Wish me luck, the same…to….you…..we also often listen to musicals.

Mickey lives in a wonderful apartment, in a great part of the city. However, one thing is sadly missing: a kitty. Her otherwise-pretty-great landlords said it wasn’t an option. But doesn’t that sound more like a challenge then a refusal? Being two highly educated girls with plenty of moxie, we took it as such. So, upon being reunited after being separated by an ocean for three weeks while Mickey traveled Europe, we came together to travel halfway across Toronto to spend two hours and a lot of money at Bulk Barn, and to win her landlords over, come hell or high water.

So we made a kitty-cat cake! Wouldn’t you let us have a pet if we gave you this cake?

We thought so.

UPDATE: Mickey's landlords are clearly super-human life forms and/or robots, impervious to the charms of frosting and batter. They ignored the cake and her for a while, and then came out and said, 'no'. Just 'no'. Honestly, who walks by a mysterious box in their hallway for hours (nay, days) before finally opening it? And then, who opens the box, finds an amazing cake, and says NO!? Who could resist such a beautiful kitty-cat cake, clearly made with loving precision by two equally beautiful girls, one of whom has been an excellent tenant, about which they can have no complaints?

We are slightly disillusioned by the unhappy discovery that cake does not win all battles. It is equal in sadness and confusion to Max’s recent terrifying realization that there are problems that even Miss Vicki can’t solve. However, we are daunted, but not undone. The solution? More cake!

P.S. Mickey went ahead and got a damn cat anyway! His name is Link.